There has never been a time in my life when I have been able to escape on any level from the existential questions of being and nothingness to be just a little glib about the problem. I can remember clearly the long and ultimately unsatisfying first argument about the nature of the universe and the vagueness of our representations. Maybe you had a similar one. It started with the question why and ended eventually with 'Just because, now leave me alone yr giving me a headache'. It was very similar to the first argument about the nature of social conventions, which had a lot to do with hair cuts and new shoes. I was unquestionably not in favor of either, and although I've softened a little with age, I have to say my initial pre-adolescent instincts were not so far off the mark. I mean really, what is the point?
I guess that is the point...that human meanings even if ascribed to universal forces or creators are just our own little digressions and obsessions. On a slight digression of my own and on the question of god's intentions and whatnot, if you think you've got it straight from the horse's mouth let us not forget the lessons learned from the book of Job. God almighty and similar constructs are just way too omni for us to really wrap our skulls around. I mean what is omniscience really like or omnibenevolence for that matter? How about omnipotence? If you think we can do anything but indicate these concepts with some simple signifiers, then you've probably already stormed off in a huff anyway. No, I kid because I love, really.
All miserably failed attempts at humor aside, my own personal life has been filled with these kinds of wonderings, and I've never been able to escape them to the land of milk and honey known in some circles as ignorance; a quite blissful state I'm told. Regardless, it never was for me. Mostly it was a source of great anxiety about what the unknown might have in store for little old me, and then on the flip side it is always kind of fun to be a smarty pants. I'm being a little glib, but that's still a good if vague representation of the process. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that even those things that seem uncomfortable or unmanagable or even maybe like a waste of time (read: ponderous notions about the nature of life) are too me the core of what life is about. I wonder sometimes how far out of the mainstream that idea really is?
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